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diabetesdiaryAfter fifteen years and two months with this disease, I'm feeling increased levels of anxiety about it. For most of my life with Type 1 I've been able to just take care of it, not complain, and not be bothered by some of the things that seem to worry other people with the disease. Until the last week...
The source of my anxiety boils down to one big thing, really. Animas, the maker of the insulin pump I've used for the last 13 years, has gone out of business. My warranty expires at the end of April, so I need to switch to a new pump. I've only ever used Animas and am worried another pump won't work as well or be as accessible. My current pump (and no pump to my knowledge) doesn't talk, but I can navigate it completely independently using magnification. It has the Audio Bolus feature in case I need to give myself an extra half unit of insulin for some reason. It fits in my pocket. I can change the site independently. It's been a great companion for so long, and I'm afraid to switch to something else. What if the new pump doesn't work as well? What if it makes me sicker, when I've worked so hard to stay healthy? What if none of the pump models work for me, and I have to go back to injections? I meet with my Diabetes Educator on Tuesday to discuss my options.
There are people in my life who are pressuring me to try a continuous glucose monitor (CGM). A CGM does just what the name implies: allows the user to see her blood sugars at any time, sometimes without needing to prick her finger. A CGM potentially means less finger pricks over all. I think there's usually a graph that shows how often blood sugars are in range throughout the day. It alarms if the user's blood sugar is dropping or going too high (some can automatically give insulin when it senses blood sugar going over a certain number). If you're reading this and wondering how I could be on the fence about trying a CGM, my reason for hesitating is simple. I don't like the idea of being constantly connected to another device or having a second thing stuck into my body all the time. I also slightly worry that if I could see what my blood sugar was at any given moment, I'd be constantly checking it, and that seems like something that could become unhealthy. Like the pump, I worry about trying a CGM from a blindness accessibility standpoint as well. That said, recently my anxiety about what my blood sugars are doing while I'm asleep has quickly gotten to an almost absurd level. If I treat a low before bed and go to bed with a blood sugar of 110, I worry that I over-corrected the low and that I'll wake up at 5 AM with a blood sugar of 400. If I know the carbs of what I eat before bed and bolus accordingly, I still worry I'll wake up with a low or high in the middle of the night. I know that some of this is irrational, and I don't understand what's causing it. It's been keeping me up the last few nights, which in turn negatively impacts my blood sugars and mood the next day. A CGM might help relieve some of this nighttime anxiety. If it persists, I'll bring it up with my doctor at our next appointment in a couple weeks. For now, I'm hoping it passes.
I've been experiencing a little Diabetes Burnout. Diabetes Burnout is another self-explanatory term, but basically it means a person with Diabetes doesn't take care of it anymore. It can manifest in several ways, including: checking blood sugar less frequently, not checking blood sugar at all, guessing at carbohydrates and insulin dosages, not giving insulin. This is probably not an exhaustive list. Diabetes burnout shouldn't be confused with having poor control. My understanding is that it occurs in people who have had good control and are just tired of dealing with Diabetes. It's more accurate to say I've been feeling premature Diabetes Burnout, because I'm still doing what I need to to take care of myself. But the other day, I was changing my pump site and thought, "I really don't want to do any of this anymore." I've even briefly considered going back on injections so I wouldn't have to be attached to anything. Then I remembered how much math goes with injections and how much extra supplies I'd have to carry around (an insulin pen and extra needles) and decided I'd still rather the pump. Diabetes is the full-time job that no one applies for or wants. Overnight, a person who's newly diagnosed becomes a mathematician, food expert, and external pancreas because her internal pancreas isn't working anymore. She has to keep it up for the rest of her life. When you consider that, burnout at some point is probably inevitable.
I've been feeling just how lonely Diabetes can make a person. I'm reaching out to online groups, but it's still an emotional time in my journey. Diabetes is a lonely and misunderstood disease. There's more to it than expensive insulin and tracking numbers. It obviously impacts a person's physical health, but it also affects their mental and emotional health. People with chronic illnesses are more likely to be depressed.
I've always written posts for this blog that I feel passionate about. It's necessary, for example, to talk about the ridiculous price of insulin, explain the difference between Type 1 and 2 Diabetes, or explain what insulin does. But I think it's equally important to honestly and openly share topics like the ones in this post.
The source of my anxiety boils down to one big thing, really. Animas, the maker of the insulin pump I've used for the last 13 years, has gone out of business. My warranty expires at the end of April, so I need to switch to a new pump. I've only ever used Animas and am worried another pump won't work as well or be as accessible. My current pump (and no pump to my knowledge) doesn't talk, but I can navigate it completely independently using magnification. It has the Audio Bolus feature in case I need to give myself an extra half unit of insulin for some reason. It fits in my pocket. I can change the site independently. It's been a great companion for so long, and I'm afraid to switch to something else. What if the new pump doesn't work as well? What if it makes me sicker, when I've worked so hard to stay healthy? What if none of the pump models work for me, and I have to go back to injections? I meet with my Diabetes Educator on Tuesday to discuss my options.
There are people in my life who are pressuring me to try a continuous glucose monitor (CGM). A CGM does just what the name implies: allows the user to see her blood sugars at any time, sometimes without needing to prick her finger. A CGM potentially means less finger pricks over all. I think there's usually a graph that shows how often blood sugars are in range throughout the day. It alarms if the user's blood sugar is dropping or going too high (some can automatically give insulin when it senses blood sugar going over a certain number). If you're reading this and wondering how I could be on the fence about trying a CGM, my reason for hesitating is simple. I don't like the idea of being constantly connected to another device or having a second thing stuck into my body all the time. I also slightly worry that if I could see what my blood sugar was at any given moment, I'd be constantly checking it, and that seems like something that could become unhealthy. Like the pump, I worry about trying a CGM from a blindness accessibility standpoint as well. That said, recently my anxiety about what my blood sugars are doing while I'm asleep has quickly gotten to an almost absurd level. If I treat a low before bed and go to bed with a blood sugar of 110, I worry that I over-corrected the low and that I'll wake up at 5 AM with a blood sugar of 400. If I know the carbs of what I eat before bed and bolus accordingly, I still worry I'll wake up with a low or high in the middle of the night. I know that some of this is irrational, and I don't understand what's causing it. It's been keeping me up the last few nights, which in turn negatively impacts my blood sugars and mood the next day. A CGM might help relieve some of this nighttime anxiety. If it persists, I'll bring it up with my doctor at our next appointment in a couple weeks. For now, I'm hoping it passes.
I've been experiencing a little Diabetes Burnout. Diabetes Burnout is another self-explanatory term, but basically it means a person with Diabetes doesn't take care of it anymore. It can manifest in several ways, including: checking blood sugar less frequently, not checking blood sugar at all, guessing at carbohydrates and insulin dosages, not giving insulin. This is probably not an exhaustive list. Diabetes burnout shouldn't be confused with having poor control. My understanding is that it occurs in people who have had good control and are just tired of dealing with Diabetes. It's more accurate to say I've been feeling premature Diabetes Burnout, because I'm still doing what I need to to take care of myself. But the other day, I was changing my pump site and thought, "I really don't want to do any of this anymore." I've even briefly considered going back on injections so I wouldn't have to be attached to anything. Then I remembered how much math goes with injections and how much extra supplies I'd have to carry around (an insulin pen and extra needles) and decided I'd still rather the pump. Diabetes is the full-time job that no one applies for or wants. Overnight, a person who's newly diagnosed becomes a mathematician, food expert, and external pancreas because her internal pancreas isn't working anymore. She has to keep it up for the rest of her life. When you consider that, burnout at some point is probably inevitable.
I've been feeling just how lonely Diabetes can make a person. I'm reaching out to online groups, but it's still an emotional time in my journey. Diabetes is a lonely and misunderstood disease. There's more to it than expensive insulin and tracking numbers. It obviously impacts a person's physical health, but it also affects their mental and emotional health. People with chronic illnesses are more likely to be depressed.
I've always written posts for this blog that I feel passionate about. It's necessary, for example, to talk about the ridiculous price of insulin, explain the difference between Type 1 and 2 Diabetes, or explain what insulin does. But I think it's equally important to honestly and openly share topics like the ones in this post.
